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Thursday, March 31, 2011

So - who do you think I am?


1974 Kinder Christmas party.  Inside that parcel is a hippo money bank, in blue and purple flock.  It changed colour with the temperature.  It was, quite simply, the best.

And that girl in the photo, showing a bit of leg in a mum-made dress, she was taking shape as a person.  Reserved, awkward and forever self-conscious of the curly blonde hair everyone wanted to touch.  And she retreated inside.  A while ago Rosie wrote about unconditional love.  I felt as though she was talking about me.  So without going into too much depth - yes I did grow up loved, but it was not always unconditional.  We had to look right, behave right, study hard - make our parents proud.  There were boundaries which we were not allowed to cross.  So I grew up knowing not to ask, because the answer would be no.  I grew up with the understanding that one day I would be free of the dominance of home. But by then, some habits were so ingrained they could not be changed without a tremendous amount of effort.  Mistakes were not smoothed out, they were dwelt upon and there was guilt to be had.  And we weren't even Catholic!

I don't have a great sense of my own self-worth.  It's hard for me to accept praise for what it is.  Usually I feel as though it's misdirected.  And generally I feel that whatever I do, it's just not quite good enough.  Yep, I'm hard on myself.  I recognise that.  I can understand that.  It's hard to change that.

I don't know how I present myself to the world.  I look at other people who seem so self assured, self-confident and brave.  How do they do it?  I'm constantly wracked with self-doubt and perhaps a bit of self-loathing for all the things I'm not that I think I should be.  I've been told I'm a closed person - it's a protective mechanism.  If you keep people at arm's length they can't judge you harshly.  Perhaps it makes me seem aloof.  I can't really tell.

Yesterday I had a chance meeting with an old school friend.  One of those friends you got along with at school, but wasn't in the "inner circle".  We haven't seen each other for the best part of 20 years.  So there was a lot to talk about.  This girl was apologising for her lack of formal education as she explained the path she had followed.  Whilst I may be hard on myself, I make no judgement on other people and how they conduct their lives (unless they're into bad stuff).  At school she'd come across as a happy, funny, friendly girl.  I didn't expect her to feel, perhaps, embarrassed by the fact she'd gone straight from school to employment.  And then she was asking what I had done.  Because, she said, "You're so smart - you would have had a fabulous career before you had kids, and I bet they're really smart too, just like you."  She said some other nice things.  Stuff that surprised me.  She might have been wrong on a few counts, but in a few sentences she had told me who she thought I was.  And it was all nice.  She didn't say I was a dud and she said she'd like to keep in touch.  She didn't say I was a overthinker who was a bit f*#@!d in the head.

And on the way home, Vanessa Amorosi was singing This Is Who I Am




So, I'm not sure if I really want know who you think I am - I've probably revealed too much already!
My inner and outer selves don't always seem to match.  I am an overthinker, and perhaps a little sensitive.  But I'm a work in progress.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The needles are clacking

Now before I go any further - is that picture up there big enough??  Hmm, might have to keep playing with that one!

With the summer that wasn't, my knitting needles have made an appearance much earlier than they normally would.  I've started to whip up some beanies to go with the cardigans.  I'm a results-driven person, so 8 is my ply of choice.  These hats require me to use 4 ply.  So I've been resisting the change.  Until now.


Since introducing these cardigans to the Squirt Baby range, they have been available in two sizes - 0-3 months and 6-9 months.  Happily I can now announce they will also be available in 12-18 months.  Hooray!  Now I have to start knitting them, so don't expect them right now!  Coordinating beanies will also be in each of the three sizes.  Double hooray!


Next week our extended family is heading off on a bit of a road trip, so there'll be plenty of in-car knitting happening to while away the kilometres.  Hopefully my order from Bendigo will arrive soon, so I can get started!




Sunday, March 27, 2011

Struggling

The ill-health fairy is in orbit over our house.  The latest disease is a rather nasty gastro.  Three girls all sick at once.  Last night we finally got to bed at about 3:30 after numerous changes of bedding and lots of other stuff you really don't want to hear about!  So my life as a blogger has come to a halt, as has blog-reading, commenting and surfing.  Actually, most things are on hold as we hold sweaty little bodies, soothe sore tummies and wipe up all manner of stuff.

See you all soon, hopefully!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Earth Hour 2011

Earth Hour - Logo


Tomorrow night at 8:30pm.  You know you can do it.  It's only for an hour.  I'm imagining children in bed, lots of candlelight and a big glass of red.  Heaven!  For more info go to Earth Hour Australia.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

An enduring affair

I've been expecting my affair with greens to wane.  I'm even feeling a bit guilty that I've fallen so heavily for this hue while my one true love (red) waits patiently in the wings.  As the new winter gears rolls slowly off the production line there seems to be a theme.  Green.  And I can't say that I'm sorry.



Friday, March 18, 2011

Market Day

It's been a while between posts.  A nasty chesty cold is making its way through our household.  And since my two little girls have a history of pneumonia anything chesty sends me into uber-alert mode.

First term is a crazy time.  So much seems to be happening.  Birthdays, excursions, day trips, volunteering, washing, road trips, decluttering and reorganising.  Tonight we are having a girly sleepover for Marv's birthday.  And when they all go home tomorrow, I'll be hunched over the machine doing some last minute bits and pieces for Sunday's Shirt and Skirt.  This month Cottage Nerd and I will be joined by another mate - DaVia Designs.  She'll be right next door to us, which is handy because I need some of her wares!



Friday, March 11, 2011

Thanks Canberra

This time last week I was in a little bit of a panic preparing for the big road trip.

Today things haven't started so well either.  I've broken the glass shelf in the shower, the kids are niggly and I'm still trying to put the house in order.  I haven't loaded the pics of the trip, so instead I'll show you the entrance to the rather elegant Hyatt Hotel Canberra, venue for Mathilda's Market.


I like a bit of elegance, even though it reminds me how much of a klutz I am!

Lovely neighbours, lovely customers, delightful weather and Mum to keep me company. Thanks Canberra!




Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Road trip

This weekend I'm off on a little road trip.  It's part of the new order this year - get out and about a bit more. It is a working trip - Mathilda's Market in Canberra.  Originally it was going to be a family mini-break, spending a couple of days in our nation's capital.  However, we have other holiday plans happening  very soon, so it will be a quick visit instead, with Mum to keep me company.  Bless her.


I'm really looking forward to some different scenery and checking out the beautiful wares on offer - hope to meet some of you there!  Just need to go and get organised now...


Cold Reading Series

Yesterday as I was shaping and ironing and pinning I happened to see a little of the Oscars.  And one acceptance speech in particular hit a chord.  Tom Hooper,  Director of The King's Speech thanked his parents and, in particular, his Mum.  His mother had attended a script reading - something she'd never done before.  Apparently she wasn't keen to go and thought it might be a little dull.  However, she came home from the reading full of enthusiasm and told Tom she'd found his next film.  The rest of that story is now history.

Next Monday the work of a very special friend of mine is to be showcased in the Cold Reading Series at the Felix Bar in St Kilda.  The Cold Reading Series gives writers the opportunity to see their work performed by actors, to gauge audience reactions and do a bit of networking all at the same time.  I am thankful for the number of outlets for folk such as myself to sell their wares - markets, wholesaling, online or even from one's home "studio".  Writers don't have the same opportunities which is why the Cold Reading Series is such a fantastic event.  So I'll be there on Monday night holding Rosie's hand as Flea gets it's first public airing.